What NOT to do on Valentine’s Day
Bishhy: We’re baaaaaack ;) And on today’s agenda, we will be covering what you guys should NOT be doing on Valentine’s Day. Take it away Phiendz...
Phiendz: For all you wienies out there who think it’s cute to just take your girl to the Dollar menu at McDonalds and sit at the 2 dollar movies for about 3 hours, this is for you! Let’s talk about our top 5 things to avoid doing on Valentines so you guarantee yourself a good lay... er, but of course if you just met, then you’re shit outta luck dude, can’t help you there, sorry!
Let us begin, and when we’re through, we’ll have made a man outta you ;)
Bishhy: *ogling Shang...* *coughs and looks over at Phiendz* It should be illegal for cartoon characters to look that hawt.
Phiendz: *ogles Shang too...* Mhm, it is soo wrong O.O *coughs*....let’s uh.... start before we get a restraining order against a cartoon character xD
- Numero Cinco: DO NOT CALL YOUR DATE AND TELL HER TO PICK YOU UP
Phiendz: I mean, alright foo, if you don’t have a car for whatever reason, that’s cool it’s understandable, but really, you’re asking your girl out on Valentine’s Day and you’re gonna expect her to pick you up too? Will you want her to pay for you as well? Smfh! Can we say, NEXT!!!
Bishhy: Mhm *snaps fingers* you lookin’ for a nice dumpin’ on VDay for that one *shakes head*
- Numero Quatro: DO NOT (AND I AM STRESSING THE HELL OUT OF THAT NOT) TELL HER SHE LOOKS FAT IN THAT OUTFIT, IF INDEED SHE DOES LOOK A LITTLE VOLUPTUOUS .
Bishhy: If she’s looking a little curvier, you best believe you’re gonna love yourself a woman with some mighty fuckin’ curves or you can kiss her sweet ass goodbye and drown yourself in chocolate for the rest of the night. *smacks own ass* but I mean, come on, who doesn’t love a fat ass? *looks to Phiendz* how does my ass look in this dress? xD
Phiendz: Like I wanna tap that shit right noowww! ;) Seriously though, if you can’t appreciate a little curve in your woman, step aside foo and let a REAL man take charge, cause best believe, BIG GIRLS DO IT BETTER! oh yeah!! Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes, and the minute you realize that the better for you. Let your curvy ass woman show you how it’s done.
Bishhy: That’s right! I should walk around with a sign that says that and see how many guys fall over themselves for this *motions to self* lmbo
Phiendz: Lmao. Let em know wassup Bishhy! And that’s not to say small figure girls aren't cute or can’t get ‘er done neither, we’re just saying appreciate a big girl as much as the next top model, cause after all, big girls give the best head. And do you know why? *looks to left, looks to right*....cause they’re always hungry ! *busts out laughing*
Bishhy: *bends over in laughter* stuuupid biatch. hahaha. You would!
Phiendz: I’m just giving them a few tips *shrugs*
Bishhy: *rolls eyes* mooooving on...
- Numero Tres: DON’T TRY SO HARD
Bishhy: ...seriously. You don’t need pounds of cologne or spit shined shoes to impress your woman. If she agreed to the date, ON Valentine’s of all days, then she’s into you. Let’s not push her away with your wanna be preppy ass get up.
Phiendz: True story. I mean really why are you going to try and be this rico suave-goodie-two-shoes-casanova when the reality is, you’re the bad-boy-on-wheels-her-momma-warned-her-about ? As long as you’re not a deliberate asshole, your rock star good looks will be enough for your woman. Don’t try to be someone you’re not, you can’t pull it off, and guaranteed she’ll change her number to avoid you if you turn out to be someone she wasn’t expecting ;)
Bishhy: RIGHT! Does that mean dress like a slob? Nope, dress nice. Classy-casual is nice. Depending on where you take her (and it better not be the fuckin’ dollar menu at the Miki D’s drive through) will determine your style for the night. Keep it clean, but don’t go homosexual and color coordinate your tie with your belt.
Phiendz: bahahaha, right! she’s looking for a man not a bff >.<
Bishhy: Mhm...moving on!
- Numero Dos: Do NOT keep answering your phone during your date (unless it’s life or death)
Phiendz: I cannot stress this enough, but you seriously need to make your woman priority on your date. If you keep answering your phone, texting your buddies, or checking it every five seconds, best believe SHE WILL ASSUME something is up. And nothing kills a date faster than a woman who believes she is being neglected. Those walls she took down for you? Trust, they’ll be up faster than you can say Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!
Bishhy: *looks up from texting on the phone* Oh, did you say somethin? ← Mhm... that right there will get you a ticked off chika in 2 seconds flat. And you thought raging PMS was a problem? Think again, Boo. And turn off ya damn phone. If it ain’t an emergency, it ain’t necessary!
- Numero Uno: Do NOT and we mean, DO NOT!!!!! --tell your girl you’re taking her out, and then stay at home with her, THEN leave with a friend later on....
Phiendz: Alright, let me break it down for ya’ll niggas around the world who can’t seem to understand the whole “going on a date” concept. If you make plans with your girl/wife/lover/bff/significant other, whatever ya’ll are calling each other nowadays, it is very important to follow through on your plans. Do you know how much of a turn off it is to have your man invite you out only to have him stay with you at the house, and THEN leave with friends? I mean, if you’re tryna make your girl break up with you, this is what you should be doing, if you’re tryna romance her because she is someone you see yourself with in the long run, THEN AVOID THIS AT ALL COSTS!!!
Bishhy: Ain’t that the truth. Don’t even think about comin’ home later that night and expect to get laid either. Aint’ gonna happen, boo. Invite yourself into the bathroom and relieve yourself there. She has officially put you on the “cold shoulder” list for eternity.
Phiendz: Right? I mean it’ll be a cold day in hell when a woman decides to give the man relief when he’s deliberately blown her off for the day/night. Get ya ass back to ya friends and tell them to give you some, you wanted to spend time with them right? Gon’ and get you your relief there! Smh!!
That’s it! But because Bishhy and Phiendz didn’t want to count higher than 5 here is a list of things to NOT do on ANY date:
- Do NOT forget the chocolate!
- Do NOT forget the flowers!
If she’s not a flowers or chocolates kind of girl,
- Do NOT forget a small trinket that’s all about her personality ;)
- Do NOT forget to book a babysitter! (all you married folks out there)
- Do NOT over indulge your alcohol senses, it’s not cute.
- Do NOT even think about looking at other women/men
- Do NOT forget to tell her she looks beautiful
And last but not least... Do NOT forget the CONDOMS! seriously, you just flushed all your hard work down the drain if you forget those badboys ;)
Phiendz: Oh yeah! Can’t forget those babies! I mean, no glove no love right? bahahaha!!
Bishhy: Amen! Hallelujeeeer!
That’s it for our 5 tips to gettin’ you under the sheets and into your womans arms on Valentine's Day. BUT WAIT, we recommend you do this on a daily note! Treat ya woman right! VDay shouldn’t be the only day your woman gets the best of everything. Make it a habit. A happy woman is a sexual woman ;) And a sexual woman is a very sated man ;)
Disclaimer: This post was brought to you by Bishhy & Phiendz. Anything said on this post was meant to be said in a crass way, so PLEASE keep your complaints to yourself and DO NOT bash Ana & Neyra as they have NOTHING to do with these two lunatics. Thanks and have fan-fkn-tastic VDay, and tell StupidCupid to shove that arrow in your sweet spot and make it nasty ;)